Sometimes, you have to be the 'better' person and walk away. Sometimes, you have to put aside terms such as 'better' or 'worse' and get on with your life without using silly words to justify yourself and your feelings. To realize that it wasn't just the one person that made things the way they were. To not target any specific person for any specific events that went on in your life. To let go of any bad feelings that you caused another person or that they caused you. That's exactly what I've decided is best for me to do.
It does not make sense for one to intentionally attack someone and take no responsibility for their own actions. Or to make it look like it was all one person's doing. It takes two to tango. It's all in the past, as are those memories of which I will not dwell upon and allow to kick me down or anger me. I've gained a lot of knowledge (and friendships, in my time) in a short amount of time, and have gone as far as fighting my own anxiety inducing fears in order to get where I need to be. What was holding me back? Myself; not my anxiety, not others. I am fully aware of this. It's hard, but it's not impossible. And I will never look back at nor question who I was these past couple of months.
Others can choose to make you look like a horrible person, when in fact, it's really just a different point of view from a different person. They may not even be saying things that are meant to be horrible, yet they come off that way. I may make others look horrible in my point of view, or they may make me look horrible in theirs, but it doesn't mean that they are horrible, and it doesn't mean that I am horrible. It means we all have things to learn. Learning is a huge experience and everyone does it whether they want to or not. It's also how we perceive said information. We are all human. We all read into things wrong, we all miscommunicate at times. We are all bound to make mistakes in our lives, many times over, whether it involves other people or not. But one thing you shouldn't do? Don't compare your past/daily life to another's and don't judge them for theirs. Don't judge them for their mistakes. Everyone's journey is different, and we all have hardships to face in many different ways. I live by this post I saw on tumblr today. I believe others would find peace within themselves if they were to do the same rather than clinging to the past.
The one thing that many others seem unable to do, is to move on from these things, these mistakes they made. Me? I won't cling to these things. I won't cling to a number of years like I had in the past. It is not a number that makes a friendship, it is a genuine person that makes a friendship. If this quality is not present to me, then a friendship is not present. There is no reason for me to dwell on something that has never changed. And that is where I stand, here and now.
I am very thankful for those who have gotten attached to me, and have been my friend for many years, despite any quarrels that we may have had previously. It is better to put things like that in the past and not dig them up. Forgive, but don't forget. One of my oldest friends I have on the internet, one who has been with me for the longest time, has been here for me through it all. Even if he doesn't know what to say, even if he doesn't know how to cheer me up. He's been here for me through it all, and that's what matters. One of my friends who I met several years ago, however not as many, has also been here for me through all my ramblings. She tries her best to cheer me up with things like video games, or really cute drawings. Even if it wasn't enough to make me feel better, just knowing that she's there for me makes me happy enough. She spoils me with gifts every year, and when permitted, I often do the same. She knows me as well as someone I've known longer. So to say that a number is important, is wrong. And I realize this now.
I don't believe a true friendship exists without fights. If we are never fighting or disagreeing, it means we are keeping our emotions and opinions contained within us, for the fear of losing someone, or something. Saying that someone is being snippy or snarky with you when they are merely sharing their opinion (or, lack of) does not sit well with me. I do not wish to contain my opinions or change them for someone else, and I will not do so, nor tell others to do so. That is not placed within a real friendship; there are no boundaries. If you have to change who you are in any way to conform with your 'friends', they are not friends at all. Those who are your real friends will stick by you no matter what happens, and no matter what you say or do. Even knowing this, my friends, my TRUE friends; you have all stuck with me. Even those who I never imagined would do so. While there have been some that have walked out or that I have walked out on, it means nothing to me when I have friends as special, and as wonderful, as the ones I have now.
Thank you to all of my friends, so much, for being here with me despite my rants, my anger, and my often illogical and incomprehensible thoughts. I mean it from my heart. Even if I were not to receive any gifts for Christmas, my friends are all I need to be happy on that day. It's not about receiving gifts on Christmas, or on your birthday, or on any given special day. It's about looking at the gifts that were infront of you all along, every single day of the year. The gift of friendship. So here's to many more years! And of course, thank you to all my blog/flickr readers as well! You are all a big support beam for me, that of which I am very grateful for.
Cardigan: Cute Cardi in White
The Sugar Garden // http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/The%20Emporium/165/122/485
Dress: Cute Hohoho **Group Gift**
Crazy Kitty // http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Piaro/137/130/22
Boots: Lace-up Boots "Gina" in Ivory
**Sleds are a VIP group gift by what next, Couch and bench are by Trompe Loeil, Christmas tree is a rare from Apple Fall's The Arcade gacha, Small Table and Assorted Goodies are all from erratic's The Arcade gacha.**